What is Self-Compassion?
The Nystrom & Associates providers consulted for this article on self-compassion are Christa Overson, LMFT, co-host of Everyday Therapy Podcast and Sarah Rush, LMFT, therapist in the DBT and Mother Baby programs.
Has anyone ever told you that you need to be kinder to yourself? If you’re like most people, you may judge yourself harshly, scrutinizing your failures and minimizing your accomplishments. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And thankfully, you can start being kinder to yourself today by practicing self-compassion.
What is self-compassion? Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Christa Overson describes it as “treating yourself with the same kindness and care that you would offer a close friend,” and research shows that it can be very beneficial for your mental health.
In this article, we’ll discuss three ways you can start practicing self-compassion today. Let’s dive in.
Related: Can Self-Compassion Exercises Help You Achieve Your Goals?
Self-Compassion Step #1: Replace Self-Criticism with Understanding
This first step towards self-compassion may be the most difficult one for some of us: letting go of self-criticism. What is self-criticism? For many of us, it’s the running commentary in our head that judges ourselves for our thoughts, feelings, appearance, actions, and much more. Some examples of self-critical thoughts are:
- “Why did I say that? That was so stupid.”
- “I look so ugly today.”
- “I’m not good at my job.”
Have you ever found yourself thinking thoughts like these? If so, you’re not alone. And once you recognize these self-critical thoughts, you can start to develop a more compassionate and kinder voice to yourself.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Sarah Rush recommends speaking to ourselves as we would someone we care about: with tenderness and grace. She also says, “Imagine how someone who loves you and has your best interest in mind would speak to you in a moment of shame, guilt, or regret, and try using that voice to speak to yourself.”
To practice this, next time you find yourself thinking a self-critical thought, try to imagine you’re speaking not about yourself but about a friend. Seeing yourself as a friend helps you begin to cultivate self-compassion and approach your shortcomings with grace and understanding.
Related: Mindfulness Meditation for Mental Health: A Beginner’s Guide
Self-Compassion Step #2: Recognize That Everyone is Human
There’s something so powerful about realizing you’re not alone, isn’t there? When you’ve made a mistake, one of the most comforting things someone can tell you is, “Don’t worry, I’ve done the same thing.”
This part of self-compassion encourages us to recognize that everyone is human and that your shortcomings or mistakes are not unique to you. Christa describes this step as, “realizing that you have a shared experience with all of humanity.”
It can be easy to think that we’re the only ones who have these negative thoughts, feel insecure, or make mistakes, but the truth is that everyone struggles with these things.
The next time you feel down on yourself for how you look or a mistake you’ve made, try to practice some self-compassion by remembering that you’re not alone. You’re only human.
Related: How to Help a Loved One with Addiction Recovery
Self-Compassion Step #3: Acknowledge Your Emotions Without Over-Identifying with Them
There’s a fine line between validating our negative feelings and stewing in them. The final component of self-compassion is acknowledging your emotions without over-identifying with them. This step requires walking a gentle middle path between two extremes: ignoring your negative emotions or letting them define you.
To practice this step, you’ll need to cultivate a little mindfulness to first tap into what you’re feeling at the moment. If you’re feeling anxious or sad, acknowledge that by gently saying to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering.” After that, try to be aware if your mind attempts to feed the suffering with more negative thoughts like, “This always happens to me,” or “I hate this so much.” If those thoughts come up, accept them as another moment of suffering, but try not to dwell on them.
Practicing mindful awareness like this allows you to compassionately become aware of the temporary nature of every moment of suffering or difficulty. When you’re able to step back and view your difficulties in a detached way, you can begin to practice self-compassion by treating yourself like a friend without over-identifying with your suffering.
Related: How to Practice a Loving-Kindness Meditation
A Final Way to Practice: Ask for Help
If you’re struggling with judging and criticizing yourself, then asking for help may be the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself. Individuals who struggle with depression or anxiety may have a more difficult time putting self-compassion into practice. If that sounds like you, please remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
At Nystrom & Associates, we offer talk therapy to help you manage self-critical thoughts and low self-worth. We also provide medication management, addiction treatment, and much more to help you be empowered to become the best version of yourself.
Call 1-844-NYSTROM or request an appointment online to get help today!
Related: 3 Surprising Signs You May Be Experiencing Depression
